Older Child Adoptions: Shifting Our Mindset
Why is it that people would make a distinction between trauma that has happened under their care and that which happened under someone else’s care? …And how does that distinction become the difference between a “YES” or “NO” to adopting an older child?
Janelle Molony
In my book, Un-Adoptable? Faith Beyond Foster Care, I ask readers to wrestle with this juxtaposition. When you boil it all down to this gut-checking moment, what do you learn about yourself and your heart?
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Un-Adoptable? Faith Beyond Foster Care (On Sale Now!)
How open are you (really) to adopting an older child?
The older they are, the more potential for trauma there is. Maybe.
It’s a logical conclusion, but this is a fear-based perspective. My hope is for prospective parents to at least give an equal amount of weight to its alternative: a future-based perspective. I avoided this term in the video, but here, I’ll re-title it to “faith-based perspective.”
Don’t let the child’s past (and whatever that means) limit their future. We wouldn’t do this to ourselves, now, would we? I mean… I’ll be honest, I was a pretty big superficial ___hole for a major portion of my young adult life. I’m rather impressed my husband gave me a second date after he realized I was a hot mess. Kudos, Babe.
At the very least, I want readers to get to a point in this raw and personal conversation where they have confirmed their direction regarding adoption and come to an honest conclusion about their level of openness – whatever that may be.
My hope would be that many soon-to-be forever parents would find their heart towards openness expanding, even just a little.
All things considered, parents need to make the best decision for their personal family. I am not here to judge anyone for maintaining a firm conviction towards adopting an infant. If you have already come to that conclusion, then I’d suppose you’ve already done this thinking exercise. That’s a win, and I wish you the very best in your intentional pursuit. Seriously.
In the case the video embed does not work, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgG9fe-DwYo&t=35s
May love and wisdom lead you: together, not separately.
Building a family through adoption is not a task to approach lightly. It takes a bit of grit and lot of faith. It’s also very likely that your heart will get hurt along the way. This is where shoring up with wisdom comes into play.
Below are a few scriptures I’ve been meditating on recently which speak to this point.
Scriptural References
“For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”
Proverbs 3:10-11 (NIV)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Video Notes: Author and advocate, Janelle Molony, discusses how fear-based thinking and future-based thinking can influence or interfere with older child adoptions. Molony states the facts based on 2019 data on foster care in the U.S. and shares part of her personal testimony of how faith contributed towards her mindset shift.
Author and Speaker, Janelle Molony 
Memoir on sale now!
What to read next:
Mindsets of a Forever Parent
“You are not broken.” Faith-based encouragement for those struggling with infertility.
Accepting A Child From Foster Care: As-Is
Janelle Molony, M.S.L., is a foster/adoptive mother, homeschool mom, special needs mom, and author of the bestselling book, Un-Adoptable? Faith Beyond Foster Care (on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Adoptable-Faith-Beyond-Foster-Care/dp/1734463813/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=unadoptable&qid=1579029253&sr=8-1) She writes from her personal experience, infused with over a decade working in the educational and corporate training fields.
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