If Ignorant Adoption Questions Were Re-Directed Toward “Traditional” Parents

Can You Even Imagine This?

1. What KIND of kid are you going to give birth to? (People were always SO interested in the racial demographic we were seeking. By the way, if you say “Chinese,” people approve. If you say anything else, you look like a martyr.)
2. You should just not birth one that has any defects. What? You mean you CAN’T pick/have no say?? (Let me just say… we DID put parameters on our adoption. A whole lot of good that actually did us.)
3. Why did you bother getting pregnant yourself when adopting would be so much easier and less damaging on your body? (People were always so medically savvy when it came to my reproductive state. I had no idea I knew so many family planning experts!)
4. I’m still not understanding WHY you are birthing your own child? Are you overly fertile or something? Have a desire to overpopulate and wreck the economy? I mean seriously, is there something WRONG with you? Because you know, there is usually always something wrong with people who birth their own kids. So… Again, WHY? (Again, they must have taken med school classes at night. I missed the part where they became qualified to assess my state of fertility.)
5. Are you going to let some stranger name your baby? Or do you get to name it yourself? (Looking back, I should have said, “I’m going to let the child choose their own name whenever they are ready!” It would have sounded crazy. But that’s actually what happened.)
6. What’s wrong with adopting – are you afraid or something? (If I was “afraid” to have children, I wouldn’t be pursuing one from this genre. Youknowwhatimean?)
7. You know, you will probably only be able to birth a [racial stereotype] child. (I was warned about African American children from the foster system. I know. Incredibly offensive. There’s no other way to put this, but some people are really ignorant. We adopted a “caucasian” child who is far more difficult than whatever racist concoction you’ve created in your mind. Joke’s on them.)
8. I hope you birth a [religious affiliation] child. (Actually, you are not allowed to interfere with the child’s pre-existing religion. Until you adopt and become a legal parent, this is not a right you have. So much for that.)
9. You’re having a baby NATURALLY? – How much is that going to COST you? (P.S. Adopting from foster care is “free.” Except it may cost you your heart and soul.)
10. I heard that most birthed children end up with the same [insert negative characteristic] as their parents. Are you sure you are prepared for that? (No. I couldn’t possibly have been prepared for taking in a child of violent, despicable people who taught him a lot of bad things. But could I prepare myself to show him another way to live and love? Of course. P.S. Babies aren’t born perfect. All parents must show their children how to be. This isn’t a foster-specific issue.)
11. What? You DIDN’T complete a responsible parenting class to be qualified / educated enough to parent a child? That’s crazy. (I still think some people need to go through the classes… But I digress.)
12. What is it? No, I see that it is a baby girl, but what IS it? Like, is it [insert racial/regional/discriminatory generalization]? (One time, a lady on the subway said, “Oh, his daddy must be dark?” I said yes, of course. Then she looked at me in a strange way.)
13. How long did it take you to get pregnant from start to finish? How many times exactly did you try? (I actually did keep count of the number of applications we submitted for children. And since have lost count. It’s become irrelevant. And in the meantime, we had SO MUCH SEX. I think I still have the exact number… let me go check my diary…)
14. What’s taking you so long to get pregnant? It only took me [insert lesser #] months to become an approved adoptive parent. (I hated hearing about how people could pay a large lump of cash, fly overseas, and bring home a baby in 3 months. This hurts people’s feelings. Deeply. The waiting is so hard.)
15. What if you birth a child, then later find out they have health problems… Would you give them back/away? (What?? Yes. People actually told me I could just return the spoiled goods, like… no biggie.)
16. Aren’t you getting money from the State to raise your own child? So-and-so told me birth parents get like, [insert $ amt] a week. (Actually, this is funny to me. Since I’ve had to stop working to attend to my child’s intense medical, emotional, and behavioral needs… the stipend amounts to preventing starvation. That’s about it.)

Your Turn!

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