On Label Weirdness. …Or Snobbery.

I’ve heard my son referred to by therapists, other teachers, and parents as “exceptional.” Or even, for those in the know – “Twice Exceptional.” My initial reaction is nearly always “How so?”

When I look up this word, I’m told it means “unusual; not typical,” or sometimes “unusually good.” Either way, I’m still offended and confused. My son isn’t “unusual” for having a medical diagnosis thousands upon thousand of people have.

I’m reminded of a quote from Inigo Montoya in the Princess Bride: “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.”

One description is negative in connotation – people don’t generally like unusual things. The other seems a bit of a stretch to me. Yes, my child has some skills and interests that he is remarkably proficient with, but he’s got a whole lot more he’s remarkably NOT good at that people are trying not to mention.

I feel like this term would more appropriately describe a current world leader. It’s media-friendly P.C. doublespeak for “not that great.”

I’d rather use the word “atypical.”

This word comes up as “not representative of a type, group, or class.” There is no comparison, no “normal,” and no limitation to what or how much is different. Most importantly, it’s not a word that tries to hide or romanticize the situation.

A decade ago, the label was “special.” I still hate this. Of course, ALL kids are special. But people would say that this or that kid was “extra” special… or they’d change their vocal inflection to drag it out. “Oh, he’s special.” How does a wonderful word become so negative? To this day, I could describe someone as “a special kind of person” and people would instantly understand that I meant “weird,” “difficult” or some other version of “challenging.”

And then there are the “spirited” children.

…Right. More like undisciplined, unmedicated, overstimulated and over-empowered. (By the way, I do recognize how awful this sounds. I am somewhat hardened by my experiences at this point.)

I mostly feel like this word is used as a way to excuse behaviors that are disruptive. “Creative,” or even “expressive” are better options, in my opinion… although I can still imagine someone with a tantrumming child say something ridiculous like “Oh, my daughter is just SO expressive. The kicking helps her say what mere words cannot.”

Oh snap. I just realized this would be such an amazing video challenge… Film your child doing something “exceptional,” and comment on it as if it was positive and healthy. I don’t know if I could keep a straight face!

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The author writes from an unabashed, had-it-up-to-here, daily defeated and re-strengthened by grace and hope… kind of place. An adoptive mother of a curious kiddo, full of spirit and sass, tells her tales of homeschooling, fostering, and raising children with special needs. Thanks for joining us on this adventure from adoption to life!

Original date: Dec. 2017

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