How Social Consequences Help Parents of Children with Autism
Logic Vs. Social Connection:
Logical consequences attach our child to their behavior like an immediate ball and chain.
They don’t address how behaviors affect people around them (such as feelings, relationships, schedules, etc.). There is a ripple effect. Creative consequences are necessary to apply life lessons on a grander scale. This approach is needed to improve social thinking and empathy.
A big challenge we have on our special needs journey is that many people on the spectrum struggle with linking “intention and outcome when engaged in moral reasoning.” (1) This means my kid can’t apply a simple logic-based conclusion to unpredictable humans with complex feelings. In other words, having shorter hair taught him nothing about being nice to people, and not hurting them by pulling hair out.
See how I’ve tried applying logical consequences and the unfortunate outcomes…
My son’s autism impairs the cognitive functions needed to sort out his thoughts and plan his actions to achieve a desired result when other people are involved. It is difficult for him to see how his actions cause certain reactions in others. This is what is referred to as “mind blindness:” the inability to perceive others’ thoughts. (2)
The lessons that produce the greatest results for my child are those based on social thinking principles whereas human connections supersede logic.
My “Illogical” Social Thinking Consequence:
I’ve been told that I shouldn’t ever take away any “good” or healthy things from my son as a consequence. Why? Because that’s not “fair.” Of course not. But remember, the negative behavior is also unfair. That’s how we got here.
As an example – If my child becomes aggressive with me, I’ve been told I shouldn’t withhold his dance class that day because it’s a healthy exercise.
Huh? You mean, he can be aggressive AND I still pay for and drive him to a dance lesson? Excuse me, but no. The sidewalk on our street costs $0 to run on. There! Exercise.
- Social Thinking Lesson: Aggression is unacceptable. It scares people and can result in you being kicked out of places. (Mom just did it before “they” did.)
- Also A Social Thinking Lesson: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. (I saved $60 bucks that day.)
…And now dance days are some of the best days of the week!
Click here to continue reading about disciplining children on the spectrum:
Logic Vs. Social Consequences
References:
- Moran J.M. et al. Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. Epub ahead of print (2011) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/21282628/
- Rudacille, Deborah. Spectrum News. “ ‘Mind blindness’ affects moral reasoning in autism.” (2011) https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/mind-blindness-affects-moral-reasoning-in-autism/
The author writes from an unabashed, had-it-up-to-here, daily defeated and re-strengthened by grace and hope… kind of place. An adoptive mother of a curious kiddo, full of spirit and sass, tells her tales of homeschooling, fostering, and raising children with special needs. Thanks for joining us on this adventure from adoption to life!
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