The Day We Met Our Son

“That’s him.”
My spouse picked out a boy from the crowd and our world stood still.

Ok, I actually just ruined “THE MOMENT” we met our son, but the real magic around this is knowing that A) we’ve NEVER seen a photo of him and B) the physical description we received had an approximate age (how the heck did they not know??) and an ethnicity that was wrong. We were simply told, “He’s cute.”

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— Original Post: 2016 —

We sat in the CPS office and waited.

We watched parents come in and go out. Kids of all ages and colors were crawling on the floor, bouncing on laps and crying around us.

“God, this is awkward,” I thought. It smelled funny. We probably had more teeth per capita than the entire room.

This was the worst blind date I’d ever been on. A couple weeks ago we had a phone call and a proposition. Honestly, at this point, we had said yes to well over 20 children… so I kind of felt like, “What the hell, why not?”

I didn’t think this would actually go through.

We knew next to nothing about this kid. Clean bill of health, cute, around X age, White. Want him?
I think we were 30 minutes early, nervous…
I actually got a speeding ticket on the way over. Oops. Well, at least our homestudy was completed months ago and they can’t call me out on it this late in the game.

We brought photos of our home and pet and things we like to do. This is SO weird… sight unseen, we are going to try and show a little kid select photos of a cute animal and then ask if they want to come play with it and live with us. This sounds like a kidnapping tactic. Actually… organized kidnapping kind of makes sense, in retrospect. I digress.

And then he walked in.

No introductions.
Our agency representative wasn’t there yet. We made polite eye contact with the person that brought him in… and then just sort of stared at this kid. “That’s him,” my husband said.
I glance around again, at the clock, at my shoes… I’m not sure. He’s not what they described.

Maybe someone else was about to walk in? Maybe he was already there in a meeting room or something? When is someone going to tell us what to do??

Fast forward several months… My son asks “Mommy, did you love me right away?” My answer is, sadly, “No.”
How is it that my spouse gets to have this awesome tear-jerker epiphany moment, and I’m left wondering if a huge mistake was made? Come on now, this is getting real.
Mommy was expecting the Social Workers to be giving accurate information.

I was jealous of my spouse and rejected what was in front of my eyes.

Hello prejudices! And no, not because of the color of his skin… but because he looked war-torn. He looked like he had no soul. No light behind his eyes. Sad. I don’t think I wanted that kind of a kid.

Hello fear. “What’s wrong with this little boy?” I wondered. What I didn’t know was that within 30 minutes, this child would be head over heels in ooh-la-la-infatuation with my spouse.
And I would begin assuming a metamorphosis from an ignorant expectant mother into a ferocious and possessive force of nature.

It wasn’t love (yet).

Love took a long time to manifest. But I felt something. It was motherhood: consuming me and sucking me into a deep rage over whoever DARED to hurt this baby. Clearly, he’d been through something. And it was now my job to help him.

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Reflecting on this day.

What I had forgotten was that God was present in that room. His timing and selection of a child was perfect. As was the selection of the mother. God is rather specific when it comes to selecting mothers for children, isn’t he? (Mary, Elizabeth, Sarah, Rachel, Hannah…)

I didn’t even consider, then, that He had much greater plans in store for this child, and for me. The things I didn’t know about him yet would set off a series of events that would unlock his hidden potential. But we still had to start from the beginning.

For me, the “beginning” was learning how to give up all expectations for myself and for this boy. I had to learn to trust God while I was still on the journey – not just when I arrived at my destination.

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What to read next:

Autism In Action: Guest Interview with Author Janelle Molony

Older Child Adoptions: Shifting Our Mindset

Can A Child Be “Un-Adoptable?” Yes, But Allow Me to Explain…

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The author writes from an unabashed, had-it-up-to-here, daily defeated and re-strengthened by grace and hope… kind of place. An adoptive mother of a curious kiddo, full of spirit and sass, tells her tales of homeschooling, fostering, and raising children with special needs. Thanks for joining us on this adventure from adoption to life!

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