Inside the Mind of a Child With an Attachment Disorder
My son and I recently spent three months in attachment therapy. It should have been six, but plans changed suddenly. In any case, here’s what’s happened so far…
First: What is attachment therapy?
It is a targeted series of activities that
These activities promote emotional security between the parent and the child. They also help the child with elevated stress levels. The goal is to assist with “rewiring” the pathways towards social connections and therefore, the ability to form a healthy relationship.
Also: this is a rather clever video about attachment theory and how attachment disorders can be created and presented.
I struggled with attending these therapy sessions at a spiritual level.
My heart and soul were challenged to confront some very specific issues that have prevented my son and
One of those issues has been directly related to food and receiving meals from a mother. This goes way,
It’s like a scar that all the love in the world is helpless to balm
.
So, we sought professional help.
Rather than me trying to explain what happens in the mind of children struggling with attachment disorders/insecure attachments, I’ve decided to talk to my son about it directly.
An Interview:
What do you DO at attachment therapy?
We sit in a room with a lady that helps us connect with each other. We do some activities together. And then mom feeds me.
What were some of the activities
We hugged and kissed. We copied each other’s movements.
In the games, I would sit in your lap and you would bounce your knees. Then on the last bounce, you’d let me fall through your legs and we’d laugh.
What do you think has been the most helpful activity we’ve completed in attachment therapy?
Feeding me.
Why did mommy feed you
That’s how you learn how to trust your mother. Feeding makes sure that you can trust her to not give you bad food… or starve you.
OKAY. But why not just feed yourself?
That’s a part of the lesson: to learn how to connect to a mom.
What do you feel when mom feeds you
I get upset. Like, mad. I think “She doesn’t like me. She won’t do anything for me.”
Those sound like opposite thoughts
They’re not. Because that’s what comes from my brain. My biological mom didn’t like me or love me. She didn’t care about me.
How do you know that?
She showed me.
Shouldn’t it be different because I’m the one feeding you
No. It isn’t.
Why do you think you still have all the bad thoughts about your biological mom… even though it’s me feeding you
I don’t know…
Do you have those bad thoughts during times when I’m not feeding you
Nope.
Do you think it will ever be possible to think good thoughts about me when I feed you?
This is only one of many demons that haunt our mother-child bond.
For me, his food issues and rejection of me as a provider are like the last nerve the Utah hiker has to sever with his pocket knife in the film 127 Hours. We feel stuck under this “rock” until that painful moment can be overcome and we are freed. We’ve been struggling with food issues (ie. attachment issues) for almost 4 years now.
I only pray that one day his spirit will be restored and he will see with open eyes that I am not her.
For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but that of peace, love, and a sound mind.
(2nd Timothy 1:7)
Even though it was short and it caused me pain, our experience was very valuable in the end. We plan to revisit this therapy in the future and try again.
The author writes from an unabashed, had-it-up-to-here, daily defeated and re-strengthened by grace and hope… kind of place. An adoptive mother of a curious kiddo, full of spirit and sass, tells her tales of homeschooling, fostering, and raising children with special needs. Thanks for joining us on this adventure from adoption to life!
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